I wonder who won the Booker prize then? https://t.co/tBL6EtXfKS

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Well done #LFC
#LIVvTH

So I’ll try the Michael Mosley 2 sleep technique then? Get up at 3am and take the dog for a walk? That’ll impress her. (Glare!)

Gordon Bennet! 😕
#LIVvTH

“I’m keeping an eye on my 2 legged sheep to make sure they’re safe.” (S1) https://t.co/FriPMoWxKa

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Put the poo in a bag then throw the bag away even though they’re 20ft or less from the bin! https://t.co/HdlNWoUB6r

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Halloween checklist
Razor blades in apples ✅
Laxative chocs✅
Wee in the squash ✅
Mantraps ✅
Boiling oil ✅
Killer clowns ✅
Tear gas ✅
Taser ✅

Maybe #Heathrow Ltd should be nationalised and the profits ploughed back into the #UK
That’ll please the lobbyists.

“Had a nice scrambled egg sandwich this morning on a plate. Not mine? You want to eat your grub a bit quicker then… twitter.com/i/web/status/7…

“I know it’s #TongueOutTuesday but I think my mechanism is stuck or needs a new battery.” https://t.co/7zjrGZikT5

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