• I think Doggy is getting broody. She just carried a slipper up the garden an hid it under her bush. I'll have to hop to and recover it. #
  • Shh the dogs fallen asleep under the radiator in the bathroom. Unless she's succumbed to the gas attack. I'd take a pic but I'm indisposed. #
  • All them kids running about in the supermarket. Heaven knows what diseases I've picked up. Should have worn my mask, gloves and snorkel. #
  • It's national phone in sick day today. So I did but the lady said I didn't work there. So I said I knew but thought I could phone anybody. #
  • Don't eat snacks with chilli powder in and then rub your eye with your snack eating hand. #
  • Looks like projectile vomiting has reached the area. Better move the breakables. #
  • Those Kraft people have got their hands on our creme eggs. It's the end of the world. Remember HP sauce!! #
  • I haven't sneezed all day. Unbelievable. #
  • Everythings fine now thanks. Great service. Really enjoying it. Nice range of music. They must've been tweaking the site that day. #
  • Hello I appear to have ordered some aromatic oils. Better get the gasmasks out for me and the dog. #
  • @skysongsuk Everythings fine now thanks. Great service. Really enjoying it. Nice range of music.They must've been tweaking the site that day #
  • I've killed my server I think with some fluid php! Time for some resuscitation. #
  • Well it wasn't my server down after all it was my rubbish php code. Who'd have thought that eh? #
  • Just think. If everybody switched off their appliances I could switch on my 3 kw heater and warm my feet up a bit. #
  • Dog is watching prairie dogs on TV and growls everytime a coyote appears and starts creeping up on the prairie dogs. She don't like Wiley. #
  • After watching that documentary I hope I don't have funny dreams about prairie dogs popping up all over the place out of various orifices. #
  • What an 'orrible miserable day today. It's like living on Jupiter. #
  • Who'd buy a Toyota car now? #
  • I've found some unobtanium in the back of the fridge. No, wait… It's a lump of mouldy cheese. #
  • I'm so excited. My pencil delivery should come today. Yes it's been a quiet week. #
  • I must stop singing Abba songs loudly. Especially "Gimme Gimme Gimme"!! What will the neighbours think?
    Well it *is* a catchy tune. #
  • I'll have to get a haircut soon I'm having trouble locating my ears. Maybe I could attach post-it notes either side of my head. L-ear R-ear #
  • If I hear the term '3D' again I'll spit. #
  • Three weeks later and I've managed to open a new box of teabags. #
  • This red berry smoothie looks like something Klingons drink and tastes like something they'd pass. #
  • Smells like a knocking shop here. What on earth is Yiang Yiang III ? Actually it smells nice but I miss my eau du fart cree par l'homme. #
  • I thought a rare bird was visiting my seed feeders. It was just a sparrow in disguise. Another bird had pooed on its head. Looked like a wig #
  • I don't know whether to take over the world or eat a cheese and marmite sandwich. #
  • Damn UPS came yesterday. We were in but they clearly never rung the bell. It's only a box of soddin pencils so stick it thro' the letterbox. #
  • @BBCClick New Webscape makeover? Uhmm Kate has a new frock? Oh she has a chair and a white set and some Argos shelves. Very Apple like. #
  • Hope the snow stops else my server won't be able to breathe. I suppose it'll keep it running cool. #
  • Wonder if the US will tilt up with all those Americans going to Florida. Why does it have to start at 11.30pm? They should start earlier. #
  • I dunno, a few snowflakes fall in Washington and the whole place grinds to a standstill. Wouldn't happen in the UK haha. Come on get a grip. #
  • See the planets warming up. Hence 'Snowmaggedon' in Washington. Keep safe you Washingtontonians, and warm. #
  • Be nice for the Saints to win their first ever Super Bowl but my moneys on the Colts, just. The Saints awesome offense may just do it though #
  • "When I said I was going to be a comedian they all laughed at me. But they're not laughing now!" – Bob Monkhouse #
  • I now have a 4D TV. I can watch programmes that will be on next week. #
  • There's a lot of people in the stadium for the match. Must be nearly 2 dozen people at least. Maybe they're using CGI. #
  • Come on get on with it. Stop all this faffing about and kick off. Hello where's the goalies? #