• Just shows how fragile some of those celebs at the #GoldenGlobes are. They need to get a life. They're nothing special. #Gervais said it all #
  • Wonder how the Apple shares will do? #
  • Pity you can't buy unicycles with two wheels. #
  • David Goodwillie of Scotland and Dundee charged with rape. He's got the right name. Or should it be Badwillie? #
  • Imagine the disappointment when I opened my tin of cheesey cheeselets. All broken up. I must get a life! http://twitpic.com/3qy7gk #
  • There is a hole in my sock. I never ordered a hole.
    Wait… Why is the dog sniggering behind her paw? #
  • I wish aliens would land and break all the computers.
    Oh they already have. #
  • What's with celebs 'introducing' their babies in the papers. Seen one you've seen em all. Unless they have 6 heads and play the trombone. #
  • Gladys Peabody down the road had a baby but it was never in the papers.
    Mind you it was plug ugly! #
  • Gladys Peabody wasn't her real name. I changed it to protect her ugly sprog. It was really Sydney Bighampton. Strange woman. Had a beard. #
  • Barclays fined 7.7 million pounds for failing to give investment advice. Bang goes the chairmans 6 million pound bonus then? #bankers #
  • Does anybody know how to stop the annoying @twitter retweet popup 'help' message that keeps well…popping up all the time. #
  • The government, trying to reduce binge drinking, have set the minimum prices for alcohol at a lower price than the current costs. Weird. #
  • I'm being followed by eggs? #
  • No wonder Shackleton and co never made it with all tha booze they had. 5 cases of whiskey brandy and port have been recovered from base camp #
  • I wonder if colour TV is any good or should I stay with the 12" black and white set? #
  • If @waitroseuk says it has a 1000 items the same price as Tesco theres not much point in going to Waitrose. Try making the prices lower. #
  • This bloke on Horizon says I'm just a hologram. Cheek! #
  • This is better. "Who killed Caravaggio?"
    Well it wasn't me. I'm just a hologram. #
  • Looks like my Win98 PC is about to bite the dust. Time to replace it now I think. #
  • I've been left out of the world squad again @ECB_cricket
    I did score 2 runs when I was five. It would have been 3 but I tripped in the sand. #
  • So cold this morning with frost as well. #
  • We couldn't afford a few hundred million for a new sports stadium in 2005 but could spend billions on Iraq and Afghanistan wars. #
  • Dogs stretched out on her back asleep with legs in the air with her mouth and head twitching. I can't get to my camera because she'll move. #
  • Somebody has been at the whiskey. The pencil mark has been rubbed out and redrawn. #
  • Hello the spicy Cajun chicken soup is starting to work. The quilt will be rippling tonight. #
  • Great match between Wolves 0 and Liverpool 3. Only spoilt by the noisy commentator who is #andygray #
  • Don't do it Anakin. Don't go over to the dark side. Oops too late. #
  • I reckon that Darth Vader will get his comeuppance. Even if he is asthmatic. #
  • RT @BBCClick Click is on New Channel in UK at 1135 this morning – now!! 🙂 Last episode from Las Vegas!!–Anyone know the channel number? #
  • I think the @bbcnews scroller is stuck. Been 'breaking news' about Browns phone "hack". Move on please. #