• I wish aliens would land and break all the computers.
    Oh they already have. #
  • What's with celebs 'introducing' their babies in the papers. Seen one you've seen em all. Unless they have 6 heads and play the trombone. #
  • Gladys Peabody down the road had a baby but it was never in the papers.
    Mind you it was plug ugly! #
  • Gladys Peabody wasn't her real name. I changed it to protect her ugly sprog. It was really Sydney Bighampton. Strange woman. Had a beard. #
  • Barclays fined 7.7 million pounds for failing to give investment advice. Bang goes the chairmans 6 million pound bonus then? #bankers #
  • Does anybody know how to stop the annoying @twitter retweet popup 'help' message that keeps well…popping up all the time. #
  • The government, trying to reduce binge drinking, have set the minimum prices for alcohol at a lower price than the current costs. Weird. #
  • I'm being followed by eggs? #
  • No wonder Shackleton and co never made it with all tha booze they had. 5 cases of whiskey brandy and port have been recovered from base camp #
  • I wonder if colour TV is any good or should I stay with the 12" black and white set? #
  • If @waitroseuk says it has a 1000 items the same price as Tesco theres not much point in going to Waitrose. Try making the prices lower. #
  • This bloke on Horizon says I'm just a hologram. Cheek! #
  • This is better. "Who killed Caravaggio?"
    Well it wasn't me. I'm just a hologram. #