• Shall I buy a new iPod, a new iPad or a new Kindle? Or should I just have a sausage sandwich?
    I'd never get financial cmtee approval anyway. #
  • So a sausage sandwich it'll have to be then.
    Now then. Lincolnshire or Cumberland? That is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind … #
  • My toilet roll holder is Internet connected so I get instant updates on sheets used or sheets left.
    But I think it needs SEO optimising. #
  • You can tell I'm bored I've descended to toilet humour.
    Anyone for motorway marbles? #
  • Maybe a 3D webcam is needed for my Internet connected toilet.
    That sounds a bit kinky.
    Half the worlds bobble hat wearers woke up then. #
  • I like peaches but the juice just squirts everywhere and where do you flick the pip without being heard? #
  • I always wondered how a cereal bowl was made. Riveting TV this. #