• Email says my HSBC account has been suspended. Just as well I don't have an account with them then. #
  • Doggy, when I offer you a biscuit there's no need to eat my fingers as well. #
  • I ate too much chocolate and now I have this huge zitt. I may have to stand up all day til it goes down. #
  • Oh no. They've finally called the #election for May 6th. It'll be wall to wall Election2010 on TV now. I need to do a burning man for 4 wks. #
  • That's the rear garden grass cut. I'll do the front at a date to be announced. I'll Twitter the date so noone misses out. #
  • I've watched loads of TimeTeams but all they ever do is dig holes. #
  • Suns out, blue skies,no wind and warm. Okay this is a dream isn't it? I'm still in bed? A ten legged pink spotted goat will be along soon. #
  • My virus database has been updated again but I often wonder if that means it's full of viruses/virii. #
  • Flippin bank rate kept at 0.5% again. That's twelve months it's been at that rate now. I'm losing millions in interest. #
  • That's the front grass cut. Anybody want some mulch? #
  • Great game by Liverpool last night. They played like a team. #
  • Recently been fighting off hordes of bumblebees intent on nesting in the house. They're all pregnant female bumblebees. #
  • The arson reduction team will be patrolling "hotspots" in the area. Naturally. #
  • Wonder what the #bbcnews will be about? #
  • Nice email from the President of the bank of Nigeria offering me $10 mil. Must have been to night school to learn business skills. #
  • No wait somebody in Abidjan is offering me $3.5 mil. Hang on what's this? $20 mil from somebody at the HSBC. OH decisions decisions. #
  • Damn phishing email for paypal. It's in French how on earth am I to know what confidential details he wants sent to his link. #
  • Tried the French phishing email in Google translate. Something about poached cod in a light marinade with chips! #
  • I forgot to switch the washer on. Kept checking it and wondered why the washing wasn't going round and round as normal. #
  • 256gb flash drives at £650. My problem is how many should I order?100 or 1000. #
  • Hmm all the washing has turned blue! #
  • Except for the blue hand towel. That's still blue. #
  • 15c now. Has the earth moved out of orbit and about to fall into the sun? Or was that in a film I saw once? #
  • Wearing my all blue ensemble that I created yesterday in the washing machine. It could catch on. I should copyright the idea. Oh I have #
  • I reckon this years Grand National winner will be…

    a horse! #

  • A mosquito is sitting on the wall eyeing me up. I can hear him licking his lips. If I can find a newspaper he'll have something to read soon #
  • Once again I haven't made it to the front cover of Time. #
  • The Grand National today will be 'horsesome'. Hahaha #
  • May have to do an emergency shop. Almost run out of nutella. Might not last through the weekend. Unbelievable. It's a World crisis! #
  • Wonder if the RAF still do emergency nutella air drops? #
  • So Tony McCoy on Dont Push It has won the National.
    I hope his teeth are okay before Clare Balding interviews him. #
  • Panic over. There was a nu jar of nutella in the marmite cupboard. Of course by rights it should have been in the nutella cupboard. #
  • Flip. i say the word 'copyright' and some lawyer wants to follow me!. Nah don't think so. #
  • A blackbird just swallowed a worm whole. I know that sensation. It's like having catarrh. #
  • Augmented reality beer. You can almost touch the pink elephants. #
  • Defrosting the meat. The dog is on guard duty so that nobody steals it. #
  • Odd. I just noticed they don't put a "may contain nuts" warning on jars of nutella. They put them on everything else. Even on bananas. #
  • Be nice if Pompy got through. #
  • Well done Pompy. #
  • I could have been a world class golfer. But I don't have any golf sticks. #
  • My latest sports idea. Elephant jumping.
    It's like horse jumping but with elephants. #