• If it wasn't for the panic buying of petrol we'd have been in recession.
    How convenient. Almost designed that way. #
  • So the UK hasn't landed a giraffe on the moon after all? It really was a dream. I reckon the cheese was off. #
  • Amazing. An MI6 man is found dead in a zipped and padlocked sports bag and they call it suicide. Somebody's telling porkies. #
  • Parrot fight in Dominica in #WIvAus match. #
  • finished Public Enemy Zero by Andrew Mayne.
    Not bad. http://t.co/8fkIkwUp #Kindle #
  • Which part of #drought doesn't the weather understand? #
  • Getting long glares from the dog. It's not *my* fault it's raining. It's a #drought #
  • #NowPlaying Seance On A Wet Afternoon by John Barry & His Orchestra on @Napster. http://t.co/f5KRtIYL #
  • "101 things to do on a wet Wednesday" well I've thought of one. Involves a kipper, a pair of wellies and a 1927 copy of the Beano. #drought #
  • “@DiscoveryUK: Today don't say LOL instead laugh out loud #myadventure €–LOL #
  • So that must be the password that tells Skynet to make it rain for weeks. "hosepipe ban" #
  • LOL
    See, I said it again. #
  • Environment Agency asks "Have you got a water butt?"
    No it's the way my jeans ruck up. #
  • They (EA) recommend having a water butt in this drought. I have one but it's under water. It floated off down the road again into the lake. #
  • I'm starting to get paranoid about the fact that I'm not paranoid about anything. #
  • “@jjedmondson: @norm1037 norm can you find 4 and make a raft?”–I could use wheelybins. I have enough of 'em. #
  • New camera came today but I've been rained in all day. There's only so many shots of a bowl of fruit you can take. #
  • Think I'll join the Secret Service. They seem to have a good time on their holidays.
    Oh I thought it was like Club18 / Saga or something. #
  • Ah the pointless obligatory sex scene. Time to have a wee. #
  • With torrential rain and 70 mph winds just make sure you don't use your hosepipe. #hosepipeban #globalwarming #
  • If you get flooded out in a #hosepipeban area and use a hosepipe to bale out I bet the #hosepipeban police will fine you a £1000. Plus #vat #
  • The dogs ball. Shame she can't go out and play with it. She'd get washed away. http://t.co/STBntnsn #
  • Watching #TheVoiceUK for first time (thought I'd tuned in Poirot) but keep waiting for Dale Winton to pop up shouting 'bring on the wall!'. #