• Where's my knighthood? Just because I didn't give a bung. If I'd have won the lotto I would have done. #
  • I'd settle for an MBE or a CBE.
    What about a swimming certificate or an egg and spoon race winners medal? #
  • I did put 50p in the hat of that bloke and his dog playing the fiddle and only took out 30p change. (bloke was playing fiddle not dog) #
  • All very well #coldcalling but when you speak in Hindi you ain't got much chance of flogging me anything. I speak a few words of Klingon. #