• IMF trying to raise 150 Billion for the #Eurozone and want us to stump up 50 Billion. Last time I looked there were 26 other countries. #
  • Using #WaterCannon on #rioters probably means their first wash in months plus clothes get a free wash. Should use farm slurry to save water. #
  • I wonder which sicko decided to wrap every product in #cellophane
    Just had a fight with a box of teabags. Had to use the bread knife. #
  • If it takes 1 man 5 days to dig 1 hole how long will it take half a man to dig half a hole? #ChristmasQuiz #
  • 3 astronauts heading for the #ISS to bring crew up to 6. They'll be happy. The doubles ping-pong competition was a nightmare with just 3. #
  • We three kings of Orient are.
    Bearing gifts we travel a far.
    Laa de daa and diddly Doo
    Wobbly wibbly wot not.

    That'll be a quid please. #

  • At least #FedEx didn't throw the pandas over the fence. #
  • Another tax on air travellers by the EU. Making us pay for the #Eurozone failure with so called green taxes.
    Be a tax on socks next. #
  • Flippin hot tonight. Few days ago it was -2 and now it's 11c. #
  • Channel 4 remaking #TheSnowman but without trademark song Walking in the Air.
    Seems pointless. But, it does have a snow dog! #
  • There'll be shots of the kid in #TheSnowman flying over 'landmarks' such as London Eye. I'm cynical but it sounds like product placement. #
  • Warning on bag of walnuts "Contains walnuts". Not pilchards then? #
  • Guy walking up street with his wife's Christmas present. A 5 litre tin of paint. She'll be pleased. #
  • Spicy chicken balls?
    I never knew that chickens had … #
  • Oh it's Christmas Day tomorrow. They kept that quiet. Not a mention In the shops or on TV/Radio. It's a #conspiracy #
  • G-Force – Secret agent guinea pigs … What? #
  • Should the turkey still be walking round the kitchen on #ChristmasDay or am I having a psychotic episode induced by eating mince pies? #
  • Dog is in kitchen having volunteered as unpaid turkey guard. She's also protecting the roast potatoes. #