• They should sell jars of cholesterol in the shops to save messing about with food. #
  • Last time I was on the moon it was a job to find a curry house. Has it improved any? #
  • So it's supposed to be the end of the world again today. I don't know if I have the raptures or a touch of wind after that sausage sandwich. #
  • On potato peeling duty today. Why do they start off huge like melons and end up small like peas. I always seem to have masses of peelings. #
  • Assad must feel a bit twitchy with a crowd of people outside his window chanting "You're next, you're next!" #Syria #
  • Well I don't know where my last tweet went. Intercepted I think. 🙁 #