• OFT cracking down? I'll believe that when I see it. #
  • Maybe best way to get rid of #junkmail is post it back in a post box. RoyalMail are so fond of it they can keep redelivering and recharging. #
  • I have a big painful zit on my left cheek and I don't mean my face. Damn chocolate biscuits did it. #
  • I should have boiled the water. Coffee made with cold water doesn't work too well. #
  • I was wondering whether a bird could fly in a vacuum? But then realised it wouldn't be able to breathe. Tiny breathing apparatus maybe? #
  • Didn't see any mention of these gale force winds on the @BBCNews weather forecasts. Nearly blew a gnome over! #
  • @XzibitionData is Elmo down? #
  • @XzibitionData thanks. Must be me. #
  • I want to eat something but it's not eating time yet. If I eat something now I'll turn into a hippopotatomus. What? #
  • I'm just a few pounds from becoming a billionaire.
    Just need about another £999,999,999.50p #
  • I step out with the dog and it pours down. Get back all soggy with a spikey dog and the sun comes out. Suffering sasserfrat. #
  • £25000 for a new Morgan sports car? No thanks. It's only got 3 wheels. #
  • Looks like you have to wear goggles when driving the new three wheeled Morgan car. I'd look like Biggles! #
  • #Morgan3 does 0-60 in just over 4 secs with a top speed of 125 mph. Nice. And, it's British! Sold 500 already and production not started yet #
  • I hate #movies shot at night. All I can see is his torch! #
  • Worst film I've ever watched. 'Altered'
    Set in Alabama judging by the strange southern accent. The alien was poor. Just a bloke in a wetsuit #
  • Gas bills up by 20%? They're having a laugh! #
  • Torrential rain, roads flooded thunderstorms. #Weather forecasters at @BBC rattle on about if it'll be nice for barbecues at the weekend! #
  • Can't get motivated this morning. Lots to do, PC's to rebuild. Internet to surf etc etc. #
  • Train a flock of pigeons to keep flying over the #point at #oldtrafford until it turns white. #EngvSLODI #
  • We're all doomed again. #EngvSLODI #
  • The liquorice torpedoes are going down well. Doesn't liquorice have an effect? These are made in Finland. #
  • I'm biting the dogs nails now. #EngvSLODI #
  • Yayyyyyyy #EngvSLODI #
  • Just spotted a UFO. One of the cigar shaped ones. It was sitting in the toilet. #
  • They've sequenced the #genome pattern of a potato. I wonder if they'll sequence a sausage next #