• Flu!
    The answer to the age old question:-
    "What do you give someone who has everything?" #
  • The #ThomsonPhoneBook has gone from A4 to A5 size. Next year it'll be written on a postage stamp. #
  • The happy @DreamHost Domain Registration Team keep calling me "Currently".

    "Currently you have told us you would like us to auto-renew …" #

  • At least they don't call me surely. #
  • Don't know how a tiny sparrow can make such a loud noise. It just wants me to fill the seed feeder up. It just uses me, greedy thing. #
  • There's a look of guilt on that blackbirds face as she scurries across the lawn with one of my raspberries in her beak. #
  • I don't mind her having a raspberry or two but she always picks the biggest. Plus she pecks a few to see if they're ripe. #
  • That's three raspberries now. Her chicks will have runny poos. #
  • Must be like lying in bed and your mother comes in and stuffs a whole melon down your throat. #
  • Today's maths paper had some of the same questions as the March mock paper. Problems in physics/Latin papers. Wish I was still at school! #
  • At #PizzaHut it's unlimited salad. So that's 6 tons of tomatoes, 35 tons of lettuce, 900 cucumbers and a radish please. #
  • I'm so tired. I was walking round the streets of some city in Vietnam all night. Never did find Barclays Bank. #
  • I ordered sun, where is it @bbcmidsweather ?
    I don't want this cold and wet rubbish. #
  • I applied for #Olympic #london2012 tickets to the "throwing the boot" competition but they were all soled out. #
  • Wonder why Apache needed restarting? #
  • With all the channels the @BBC have they still can't show scheduled programmes. Move the tennis to BBC2 and put the new series on BBC HD. #
  • It's pouring down with rain and it's 13C (55F) yet the weather office say it'll be 'hot hot hot' for the weekend. Fat chance. #
  • We're also still in a drought even though it's poured down like a monsoon for weeks. Only in Britain! #
  • Just watched B.B.King at #Glastonbury on TV. Great set. #
  • So much for a 'hot hot hot' weekend. It's tipping it down. Maybe it's hot water? Nope, wet and cold. #UselessWeatherForecasters #
  • After seeing England train by hitting a tyre with a hammer I'm waiting for the inevitable 'freak head injury report'. @ECB_cricket #
  • It's #ArmedForcesDay today so I hope the rain stops. #
  • Watching T20,listening to music,stroking dog and tweeting. See us men can multitask as well. Hang on. The dogs outside. What am I stroking? #
  • Back to the old routine. #EngvSLT20 🙁 #
  • I got more Frontline on me than the dog! #
  • Sorry dog you're not kissing me after where you've been licking. #
  • #Europe now blaming it's #E Coli outbreak on #British seeds. I wondered how long it would be before we got the blame for their failings. #
  • If #Europeans followed even a basic hygiene regime they wouldn't get E. Coli related diseases. E. Coli is in the bowel. Wash your hands!! #
  • Wow it's 26C (79F) now. Big difference to 13C (55F) from yesterday. I may take a jumper off. #