• Hope @BBCBreaking are going to report every action of #mladic He's stood up, he's sat down. He just blinked, he scratched his nose etc etc. #
  • #Breaking news. #mladic hasn't done anything for 2 minutes.
    No wait he's just … scratched his left ear!!OMG! #
  • #breaking news #mladic just coughed. Full report and video later. #
  • I wish #Cameron would say something controversial so we can have some different #breaking news. #
  • I fancy learning the bagpipes so I can walk the castle parapet at midnight in my kilt and sporran playing a haunting lament. #
  • New cream out for men that slows down hair growth by 70%. Means you only have to shave every 3 wks. It's organic and will be sold in Harrods #
  • I'm surprised there's anything left to hack at #Sony now. Just wonder why they need to collect so much personal data. Hope they're sued. #
  • I just heard about somebody slipping on a grape in #Asda and getting £10000 compensation.

    Blimey, bring out the grapes, I'm off to Asda. #

  • I've just leaned on the paper and have tonight's TV listing printed on my arm.
    Convenient.
    Oh wait it's back to front. Poo! #
  • Stupid free papers. Ink gets everywhere. #