• I woke up this morning with really grubby hands.
    I think I was abducted by aliens in the night who made me clean out their shed. #
  • No way all these so called "celebrities" with thousands of followers can be reading all their tweets. It's just about collecting numbers. #
  • Thinking of getting a parrot for intellectual conversation. #
  • #Fulham 0 #Liverpool 1 after 37 seconds. Yay! #
  • #Fulham 0 #Liverpool 2 after 6 minutes. Goodness me! #
  • #Fulham 0 #Liverpool 3 after 15 minutes. It's a rout! #
  • RT @FrantechCA @jjedmondson looking at a couple weeks, hopefully sooner 🙂 — and you gotta be quick ordering. Reeeeeeally quick 🙂 #
  • #Fulham 1 #Liverpool 4 after 70 minutes. Another hat-trick from Maxi! #
  • #Fulham 1 #Liverpool 5 after 75 minutes. Goal from Suarez! #
  • Disgraceful, only $700 million out of $2 billion UN fund for #Pakistan flood victims has actually reached victims. Why am I not surprised? #
  • No wonder we never got the #WorldCup we never paid the bribes. Allegedly. #
  • Bill Haley on the radio. He must be getting on now. Oh wait, it's a recording. #
  • They've recruited 100,000 volunteers as #DigitalChampions to help 9m UK non- users to get online. Well, nobody asked me. Sniff. #
  • I think everybody in the world should send me a penny. I promise to spend it wisely on wine, women, drugs and superinjunctions. #
  • If #spotify wasn't a peer to peer service I'd subscribe. #
  • That banana toffee cheesecake was nice but very filling. #
  • I hate it when a book I want is available on the Kindle in the US but not the UK. I've had to buy a hardback copy. How do I work it? #
  • Yippee! #KingKenny has signed a 3 yr deal with #Liverpool
    Sort of expected really. #
  • My back and forth rocking office chair has developed a left and right rocking motion and a lot of creaking noises. The curse of #friday13th #
  • The bamboo bushes the dog hunts in are covered in greenfly. Every time she comes back in she has a living coat! #
  • Yippee it's the #Eurovision song contest tonight. #Blue stand a good chance but #Jedward might be the winner. #
  • Trouble is that the #Eurovision voting is rigged with eastern Europe countries block voting for each others crap songs. #
  • @johannessiig — they had good songs and we didn't. 🙂 in reply to johannessiig #
  • World naked gardening day to day. An American idea unsurprisingly. I never knew they had gardens in the US I thought it was just a UK thing. #
  • RT @finnysteve This was a career threatening blister. Just played through the pain though! @tjmurtagh http://yfrog.com/gyiuhlhj
    — nose? #
  • The Americans have waterboarding we have #Eurovision
    After 30 minutes I'm ready to confess to anything. #
  • I can't understand why we didn't get 12 points from everybody. There's always next year. Well done Azerbaijan. #Eurovision #
  • I've found a safe place to go #planking In bed. #