• There's always somebody showing off on the icy paths. That guy just did a triple backflip with half pike.
    Oh … He didn't mean to. He fell #
  • What? It's Christmas? Nobody told me and there was no mention in the 'Give a turkey a home.' pamphlet that came with the pizza leaflet. #
  • I see my #Amazon parcel is out for delivery in Glasgow. Shame I live in Coventry 250 miles away. Hey ho! #
  • Just hit the dog on the head with a cheesy football. She caught it before it hit the ground. #
  • I'm getting a look. Don't know what I did wrong. All I did was go and get a drink and some crisps. #