• The "dial a dog wash" van could do with a wash. Ring "dial a dog wash van wash". #
  • Art experts have examined the Mona Lisa and found tiny letters, numbers and symbols. Clearly they had 'Painting by Numbers' sets even then. #
  • It's so cold I'm thinking of putting my office in the oven. #
  • Amazing how my lotto numbers are always one number behind. I'll fool them next week by adding one number to my lotto numbers. Advanced maths #
  • I've just eaten three chocolate hobnobs. I was desperate. #