• Well if Ireland doesn't want that 7 billion I'll have it. #
  • Ireland have accepted a 100 billion loan and the first thing they're looking to waste it on is a general election. Beats a piss up I suppose #
  • Didn't know you could say piss up on twitter. Thought it might get censored as 'pxxx ux'.
    Wonder if I can say Fxxx Ux? #
  • Thought flies went to sleep in the winter? There's one here flying around my light. Oops too close!
    Now he's definitely asleep! #
  • Freddie the fly seems to have risen like Lazerus. Wonder if he has superfly powers?
    Put me down Freddie I don't want to fly round the Earth! #
  • I'm getting the hang of this gaming thing. I just shot down the flying saucer in Space Invaders. I'm ready to advance. On no another saucer. #
  • My leg has emerged from bed. I'm waiting for the other one to join it and drag the other bits of my body out of bed, screaming into Tuesday. #
  • Oh wait my leg snuck back into bed. Maybe it knows something I don't. Perhaps it's too cold? #
  • Two days to go to the #ashes We'll all end up like zombies in the walking dead. They should play during the night so we can watch. Exciting #
  • I've grown a new pimple. #
  • Some swine has eaten the last two mince pies. When I find out who it is I'll give me a damned good thrashing. Er I mean 'him' … Ahem. #
  • Should try and get few hours sleep before the match starts at 11pm. I hope @bumblecricket will shout WAKE UP every 30 mins to keep us alert. #
  • Not long to go now. #Ashes #
  • Ten minutes to go. Yippee aye yay. #
  • "Are you ready?"
    "Yes we are!"
    Oh get on with it my eyes are starting to go. #Ashes #
  • Nooooooooooo!
    Strauss gone for 0 #Ashes #
  • Judging by the first days play I think we've lost the #Ashes #
  • Load of turkeys at the door asking for political asylum.
    Got them settled down for the night in the oven. #
  • Love these adverts that have to show the statistical information. "86% of 9 women agree" #
  • Can't believe it's -4 (25f) this morning. Not sure if my thermometer goes that low. Think the dog has frozen stuck to the grass. #
  • The government should do something about the cold weather. They should ban it. We pay our taxes.
    They should turn lamposts into radiators. #
  • If I had autotune I could sing as well. #
  • I wonder how long 10 hour candles burn for? #
  • Playing a Christmas album!
    Well you have to start Christmas songs sooner or later.
    "Now that's what I call Xmas" for the need to know list. #
  • Altogether …Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
    They should by now after all these years. We're still singing 'feed the world' though #
  • I fancy a mince pie and sherry now. Oh I think the vicar drank it all. #
  • Mince pie and whiskey time. I'll be sloshed by 3pm and writing pointless tweets.
    "So what's new?" says a chorus of millions. #
  • Egg nog?
    I should coco! #
  • Watching how they make banknotes on TV.
    That's not how I make them with an intricately carved potato half. #
  • Not used this PC for a week so it wants a gabillion updates. Sigh. Which means that by the time it's updated I'll have forgotten what I …. #
  • Down to -7 (19f) outside. It's warmer in the freezer. #
  • Down to -8 (18f) now. Could do with one of those LA forest fires to warm things up. #
  • Much warmer in Oz though. #
  • It was -17 (1f) last night in Wales!
    They can keep that. #
  • Liverpool are 1-0 up against Spurs but they just missed two sitters. Could have been 3-0. I nearly choked on my pizza. #
  • Spoon in the sink.
    Turn on the tap.
    Cold water hits the spoon.
    Wet water jumps out of sink.
    Me gets very very wet and cold.
    Noooooooooo #