• The Gulf of Mexico oil slick capping has stopped because they found crystal meth in the bell thing?
    No wait.
    It was crystalline methane. #
  • Where's my iPad? #
  • The dog sent that last tweet.
    Nothing to do with me.
    I think she meant "where's my bone?". Her paws are too big for the keyboard. #
  • Interest rates held at 0.5%.
    Not much return on savings still.
    Just more cash for the banks. #
  • Which iPad to buy? WiFi or 3G. Prices are 429/499/599 (VAT inc)for wifi. Add £100 for 3G on each model. Data plans are http://bit.ly/dsdmZz #
  • At least it doesn't matter if we win or lose this game since we're through to the semis anyway. #
  • There are aliens amongst us. We can't see them because they disguise themselves as sprouts. #
  • So life in the universe was spread and is spreading by asteroids.
    How do chickens grip the asteroid?
    They must hold their breath in space. #
  • Any chance of a government before we go totally bust? @libdems @conservatives @uklabour #bbcnews #
  • Which ever party forms a coalition with the Lib-Dems will clearly never be able to trust them in the future. #bbcnews #
  • I see the EU sneaked in an order whilst we had no government lumbering us with a bill for 10 billion to shore up the Eurozone. #
  • Now the ash cloud has gone BA cabin staff can safely go on strike and ground BA aircraft.
    It's getting like a banana republic here. #
  • What's Joe Stalin doing these days? He could run the country. Oh he already is. #
  • Fortunately the Twitter bug didn't have any effect on my two million followers. #
  • That should have read "two followers" not "two million followers".
    I think there was a computerised trading error just then. #
  • More talks about talks!!
    The Queen should intervene and lock em all up in the Tower. #
  • Large holdalls seen at the rear of number 10. I reckon Browns doing a runner with all the files. #
  • Still no new Emperor yet. I volunteered as well. #
  • Getting close to a change. Any minute now. #
  • Got a new government now (more or less) let's get that dollar rate up. #
  • New Prime Minister just arrived at his new home 10 Downing Street. #
  • That's it. The election stuff is over. Can we have Click back now?
    @BBCClick #
  • Can't that weather man stand still?
    Maybe he needs a toilet break? #bbcnews #
  • I can't believe it's so cold. It's the middle of summer. #
  • How will Question Time work now? Maybe invite the really minor parties on? #BBC #
  • I wish commentators wouldn't keep pushing the "It won't work" line. Change topics please. #bbcnews #
  • The news is so detailed. 'Cameron and Clegg just went to the toilet' #
  • 'Cameron and Clegg just ate an egg sarnie' #
  • "Distant galaxy cluster found 9.6 billion light years away"

    I doubt if it was lost. #

  • I've washed my hair and I can't do a thing with it. When I wake up I'll look like Jedward. #
  • I've been up nearly two hours but i'm ready for bed. #
  • Somethings died in the bathroom. #
  • Well we walked the semi-final. #
  • My printers lazy. It ran out of paper even though there was a fresh pack on a nearby shelf.
    I had to fill it up myself. #
  • This Colombian coffee needs some getting use to.
    My mouth feels like I've been sucking a handful of copper coins.
    What have they put in it? #
  • I've just eaten a chocolate hob-nob.
    Wicked I know but it's nearly Christmas. #
  • What the anti-voip guy in Dubai didn't realise and wasn't questioned about is the fact that voip users still pay for data access. #bbcclick #
  • So Google have admitted intercepting wf-fi signals whilst out street mapping in Europe. Accidently they say.
    Oh no they have my nudey pics! #
  • I can smell somebody cooking on a barbecue outside. Smells dreadful.
    Somebody is going to make a few trips to the bog tonight. #
  • I meant somebody is cooking food not 'somebody is cooking'. #
  • Alesha has a ring on her finger as big as a conker. #
  • I should go for a wee but I'm so comfortable. If I had a mug to hand.
    Mind you when Doggy was a pup she once wee'd on the floor. Maybe… #
  • Aus 2 for 0. We've lost this! #
  • Aus 2 for 1! A chance maybe? #
  • England have won the World T20…..yahooooooo!!!!!! #
  • Cor somebody in the UK has won £84.4 million on the Eurolottery.
    They could buy a BIG server! #