• The Gulf of Mexico oil slick capping has stopped because they found crystal meth in the bell thing?
    No wait.
    It was crystalline methane. #
  • Where's my iPad? #
  • The dog sent that last tweet.
    Nothing to do with me.
    I think she meant "where's my bone?". Her paws are too big for the keyboard. #
  • Interest rates held at 0.5%.
    Not much return on savings still.
    Just more cash for the banks. #
  • Which iPad to buy? WiFi or 3G. Prices are 429/499/599 (VAT inc)for wifi. Add £100 for 3G on each model. Data plans are http://bit.ly/dsdmZz #
  • At least it doesn't matter if we win or lose this game since we're through to the semis anyway. #
  • There are aliens amongst us. We can't see them because they disguise themselves as sprouts. #
  • So life in the universe was spread and is spreading by asteroids.
    How do chickens grip the asteroid?
    They must hold their breath in space. #