• Van delivers big box. Inside,half filling box is big software box containing A5 size manual and CD. Could have sent it in an A5 envelope. #
  • Who's this Woods bloke? Get off my TV! #
  • Can I thank the big bird that just emptied it's bowels on my newly cleaned windows. I know who you are and you won't get any toast this week #
  • The dog has stuffed a bone in each slipper! Good job I checked first. #
  • Everybodys asleep except for me. Good job I'm alert. If there are any intruders I'll be able to wake the others up so they can sort them out #
  • Budget day tomorrow. I wonder how much we'll get screwed for? #
  • Typical pre-election budget. Everything up, but gradually. #
  • Playing footy with the dog but she cheats by picking up the ball and running off under the bushes. #
  • My stomach is singing again. #
  • I thought that camcorder battery was cheap (1/7th price), it's a smaller capacity battery. Probably only get a few minutes and a quick zoom. #
  • Looking in manual new battery should give me 40 mins compared to 75 mins for supplied one. That's not too bad I suppose. #
  • Why does the stapler run out of staples just when I go to use it? #
  • US and Russia agree to reduce their nuclear stockpiles. They're flogging them off to Iran. #
  • UK to dispose of nuclear deterrent when we can find it. The cleaner tidied up and put it somewhere safe. #
  • I stubbed my toe but does the world care? #
  • @BBCClick My how Kates let herself go. She looks just like that Cameron bloke. #
  • Well according to twittercounter I'm not *quite* in the top 100. #
  • I feel colder than a penguins bum. #
  • I've just seen a flying saucer. It fell off the table. #
  • The flying saucer was closely followed by a flying cup. Maybe I should report it to MUFON. #
  • There was a flying teaspoon as well. Most unusual sighting. #
  • Tug of war between me the dog and an empty crisp bag. Thought she was asleep but she had a paw on the bag just in case I tried to steal it. #