• I can't understand why I never win an Oscar for my videos. #
  • Maybe it's the dogs fault. Her acting skills need improving. She just doesn't put enough pathos into her scenes. #
  • I wish people wouldn't ask a question then move the goal posts when you answer. It's just timewasting and makes me so A N G R Y ! ! ! ! ! #
  • Got my new specs. I can see the hairs on that fleas back leg as it crawls across a flys bum 5 miles away. #
  • I like the look of Microsofts twin page tablet. #
  • There's a new Marmite out called Marmite XO. Can't wait to get some. #
  • Where do all the tweets go. Will they still be there in 500 years for archeologists to dig up? #
  • That new Black Rebel Motorcycle Club album "Beat The Devils Tattoo" is excellent. #skysongs @skysongsuk #
  • I've just eaten three chocolate rabbits. I'll be covered in zits tomorrow. Still. Something to squeeze. #
  • Milan need a new plan methinks. Oh and 3 goals. #
  • Bing.com adverts on the TV? Whatever next? #
  • Sorry but even in Timberland shoes you just can't outrun a pack of wolves,a hog and a big bad bear. #
  • Milan need to score 4 now. I think they're pooped. #
  • Shop was full this morning. We had to fight off some old grannies to get to the spuds. #
  • Nice weather in Bangladesh. Could do with it here. #
  • BBCNews report "British Airways cabin crew will go on strike for three days from 20 March and for four days from 27 March."
    That'll be fun. #
  • Top tip when taking a pic with your camera is to put an SD card in before you go out. Especially when your internal memory is full. #
  • I wish they'd hurry up and finish the manuring. Failing that I wish the wind direction would change. #
  • I seem to be missing 10 hrs of Twitter. Where'd it go? #
  • Pigeon just dropped down the chimney scared me to death. Ist try to grab him and half his tail feathers came out. Got him on the second go. #
  • Pigeon flew around the room but I managed to get him and let him go outside. He flew off okay albeit with a list to starboard. #
  • To the pigeons credit he never pooed anywhere or tried to peck me. Must have been the shock of the chimney fall and he'd already pooed. #
  • 15,000 bikers have been in the procession through Wootton Bassett. Raised over £75,000. Well done. #
  • @CheeseRations Go Charlie Go! Don't forget the goggles #