• Looks likely that the BBC will not renew contract with Met Office in April. About time. Load of rubbishy weather forecasts recently. #
  • Got a dripping tap and my toolbox has been hidden. Nice show of trust in my DIY skills I must say. #
  • What month in 2012 does the world end? Maybe I should switch to monthly payments to save some money. Hope I can get my birthday in okay. #
  • I think I've peaked too early today. I could sharpen my pencils I suppose. No I did that yesterday. I'd play ping pong but the dog cheats. #
  • Depressed now. Popped into pub for game of darts and lost. I was playing myself. 🙁 #
  • Looks like I'm not in the running for a Brit Award tonight. Oh well maybe the worlds not ready for nose flute music just yet. #
  • I'm so unlucky that if I walked through the Sahara desert a coconut would fall on my head. #
  • There's a microscopic particle of biscuit, undetectable by human science, on the floor and the dog is determined she'll find it. #
  • I have to be ready to go out at 8 in 30 mins time. But being a man I needn't start to get ready til five to eight. #
  • Whatever you do don't mix your drinks. Especially in the same glass. #
  • I think the new Apple item will be a mouse with 97 buttons. Puck shaped but 3 feet round. A move away from the traditional 1 button mouse. #
  • Good heavens I've not heard that song in a while. Altogether now "Dominique nique nique….." #
  • Must fix the dripping tap soon. It's like Chinese water torture. I've confessed to the tap three times already and one time I was innocent. #
  • BBC forcasting 10 cms of snow Wedneday. Better get my shorts,sun glasses and sun cream ready. It's usually the opposite of what's forecast. #
  • @CheeseRations Do I need to rescue you in my helicopter or should I send a submarine? Keep safe and don't try to swim for it. 🙂 in reply to CheeseRations #
  • No snow yet. #
  • That mackerel I cooked yesterday was nice but I can't get rid of the smell. We all smell fishy even the dog. Wait, the dog? #
  • This snow that was forecast looks suspiciously like rain to me. It'll be a very soggy snowman that's built. #
  • Rather than a big 10" iTablet I'd prefer a normal iPod but with a big strap on battery even if it made it twice as fat, and a 5 mp camera. #
  • Sipping port. Nobody about. Peace and quiet apart from the dripping tap. I must get that fixed. It's giving me funny dreams. #
  • Well I've been looking at the sky for fifteen minutes and I haven't seen any UFO's yet. I do have a stff neck though. #
  • It's amazing how many squeaks, creaks and groans a house makes. You can see why our ancestors believed in ghosty things. #
  • It's so cold today. I think we made a mistake in getting rid of our fur. Animals kept theirs and keep warm. #
  • I see I've missed out on a BAFTA nomination again. #
  • I've got a zit on my neck. I hope it's not puberty again. I had the devil of a job getting rid of it last time. #
  • I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. But the horses in the field are a bit manky and haven't got much meat on them. Be okay for bone soup. #
  • Everybody should be educated here in the UK where one in four kids think that bacon comes from sheep. Well they call it baacon don't they? #
  • Dogs trying to hypnotise me. "You are feeling drowsy. You will fetch me a biscuit. "
    I will obey.
    Damn collie stare. #
  • The dripping tap and the pouring rain are making me want to go to the loo every five minutes. #
  • After a vigorous application to remove a stubborn stain the head of the toilet brush has snapped off. Damn cheap plastic rubbish. #
  • Feet up drinking redbush tea. So peaceful now the rain has stopped. Got my feet up on the coffee table whilst no-one is here to nag me. #
  • Wow it's 9C/48F here. Last week I was freezing my wotsits off now I'm sweating them off. Or at least I'm supposed to be. I'm still cold. #
  • Charging time. Plug in phone, plug in iPod, plug in netbook, plug in dog. #
  • I wish the BBC wouldn't show so many trailers. 30 seconds into the following programme and I've forgotten what the trailers were. #
  • So ESPN is free this weekend and what game are they showing? Motherwell v St. Mirren!
    Who? #
  • Doing a vegetable curry in the slow cooker. Delicious smell wafting about the house. Can't wait til it's ready tomorrow. May sneak down at 3 #
  • Must be spring. It's warm, sunny and there's the worlds biggest meat fly buzzing round the house. Why me? Bet he smelt the vegetable curry. #
  • Damn meat fly's followed me into the bog! Is nowhere sacred? Yes I Twitter from there so wash your hands afterwards. Gawd here's the dog now #
  • Splatted the fly with an Argos catalogue (well you need something to read and if you run out of paper it's handy). Given fly a burial at sea #
  • No sooner than I say the weather's great than it starts to pour down. Oh well, normal service has resumed. #
  • Wow what a throw from Delap! #
  • Stoke 3 Arsenal 1
    Who'd have expected that? Arsenal out of the FA Cup. #
  • Can't wait for the announcement on Wednesday. I reckon it'll be an iPod sock. Just for a laugh. Do Apple do humour though? #