• Right. It's time to roll up my sleeves and do some work. #
  • Can't believe there's a turkey hotline set up to help people cook it over Christmas. How hard is it? Stuff turkey in oven and switch on. #
  • If you need to use the free turkey helpline it's 0800 783 9994. (That's for cooking them not freeing them) #
  • Time for the annual expedition into darkest attic, facing untold dangers and hairy spiders, in search of the elusive Christmas decorations. #
  • My zip just broke. It failedsafe and only trapped a bit of shirt. Unless I've lost all sense of feeling and my bits have turned stripey! #
  • Three times I've gone upstairs now and each time I've forgotten what I've gone up for. #
  • That's it I've had enough. I can never find a pencil so I'm going to bulk buy a thousand or two and spread them around the house. Ditto pens #
  • Power cut at LHC yesterday. It's the Higgs Boson from the future trying to shut it down before we end up in a black hole. Or it was aliens. #
  • I wonder how many tweets have been posted since Twitter started? More than a couple of thousand I'll be bound. #